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Q: Do you think that it is possible to get dominated out of depression?

6 min

I have a few scattered thoughts on this and how submissive practice can lessen depression. Sorry, these are a bit random.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, therapist, or expert in depression or domination.

An ethical dom/me could inspire you to do things you already wanted to do. Their motto is "leave a sub better than you found it."

Skip to minute 5:45 in this TV show:

The domme in this example has dominated her sub in a way that helped him lose weight, socialize more, and come out of his shell. Even when he gets out of chastity, or when they end their D/s relationship, he will be better off.

Depression is your brain sending the wrong message, it's your brain working against your long-term interests. This is what makes your brain different from normal brains.


Depression isn't normal! It's common, but it is in no way normal. As someone who has gone through bouts of depression, I found this idea pretty transformative!

A lot of experts don't like saying "Your brain is not working right," because they don't want you to feel even more isolated than you already feel. But I like knowing that, and maybe you're another weirdo who'd rather hear that there IS something wrong and different about them. [note 1]

It might be helpful to think about it like this: Your brain loves to get drunk and high, which is fine sometimes, but that means you have to be the designated driver all the time. You have to be super vigilant with your brain, make sure it's not getting behind the wheel, calling ex's, jumping into the lake on a dare. Every time your brain says something, you have to do the job of examining what it says and asking, "Is my brain saying something true, or is my brain just drunk right now?"

When your brain says "We're dumb, we can do anything right," you have to go, "Shut up, brain, you're just drunk."

When you get cut off in traffic and your brain says, "The world is evil and full of dickheads," or "What did we do wrong? That person must hate us now,"  you have to sigh and say, "Sure, brain, sure. Let's talk about this in the morning.

Also depressed people have a difficult time doing positive things for themselves, because they need to take their brain's messages -- "sleep in," "everybody hates us," "why bother?" or "nothing will change" -- and realize that their brain is mistaken. In other words, it's not thinking right, it's drunk, it's just making stuff up as it goes. When your brain says, "One more drink / game / hour of sleep / forced bi video" you, the designated driver, need to make an assessment of whether your brain's just being drunk and will regret this once it sobers up.  

Sometimes it's really hard to deal with your drunk brain, because it's  very passionate and convincing and has that weird drunk strength and self-confidence. Other people's brains don't need sober buddies and designated drivers, BUT YOUR BRAIN DOES. And yes, they are both you, but as a human you can both feel desperately that a thought is true, and still examine why you think that thought is true. That kind of self-awareness and sober thinking takes practice, you'll be practicing this your whole life.

But a responsible dom/me can help be yet another sober driver to overrule your drunk brain. They can be the voice that says "No, get to bed early," or "Your friends don't hate you. Text three of them and send me proof of their answers. I bet they'll all be happy to hear from you."

More examples where I think a domme's control could help tame your drunk brain

s: (bad sub behavior) "I fucked up. I never do anything right."
D: No, you only did this one thing wrong, And once I punish you, we will move on.

s: "I can't stand this."
D: No, it's just unpleasant at the moment.

s: "I'm overwhelmed. I can't figure out what I should be doing."
D: I'll tell you what you should be doing until you're not overwhelmed.

These aren't the most inspiring examples, but it's what I could come up with here. Basically I'm saying a domme has an outside perspective like your sober brain does – and if she's not evil and you take the time and money and effort to develop a relationship with her -- then she can help your sober self apply both gentle and terrible pressure on your drunk brain.

Subspace / pain / focus can also help combat your negative thoughts

From what I've heard from subs, a session can be a remarkably head-clearing experience -- in that they are forced to concentrate on one thing -- for instance, the current source of pain, the sound of their domme's voice, etc. You are forced to live in the moment, and simply observe your feelings and sensations as they go by. Even distance activities, like journals, or writing lines, or doing rituals, all give you a sort of singular focus. This can be very helpful if your depression comes with a lot of anxiety and negative thoughts.

This has less to do with dominance, and more to do with the dom/me you're serving.

But you and I know a lot of dommes don't really care about your mental state.

This is especially true in the case of online findoms, who are there to satisfy a particular kink of yours, and then move on. (Not that it's wrong -- dommes that you visit for an in-person session also aren't there to get to know you unless you develop a long-term relationship with one.) If you meet a findom that does seem to provide aftercare, or asks you questions about your life before or after a drain and who asks for your limits before the draining begins, then perhaps you have stumbled on the type of domme you could develop a healthy dynamic with. A domme willing to help you work on yourself as part of your submissive training.

Still, though, they can't 'dominate' you out of depression, just like a pill can't cure you of depression and a therapist can't talk you out of depression. Most of the work is going to be you vs you. Still, dommes have some unique advantages that pills, doctors, therapists don't: they can punish you, and they can control when you get to cum. Those are very persuasive incentives to do what your dominant says -- assuming you truly care about her approval!

But what if talking/sending money to dommes is the source of my depression?

If that's what you genuinely believe of ALL dommes, including me, then I can't help you. But if you think your impulsive goony habits are the result of your underlying depression, and not the cause, then perhaps I or another domme can help. Honestly, with all this writing and shit I've said, I have no patience for subs who paint all findoms or femdoms with the same brush.

Also, I only help boys end their depression and goon addictions once they've been regular and reliable senders. You're literally asking me to help you stop sending me money, OFC it's going to take a lot of investment to take on that challenge. [note 2] Most subs don't want that – so I'm there to humiliate them and take their money quickly and efficiently. If a sub will slam their nuts with a toilet seat, then ghost me when I ask them to try texting one friend, then fuck that sub.

note 1: For someone who overthinks and builds up anxieties, this idea helped me a lot. Something's different about me — like my cousin with diabetes or my friend that needs a kidney. Red pill garbage tells you the opposite, that depression is just made up  so just get over it, which is weird to me. If I was peeing 12 times a day and threw up every morning, I'd love for someone to tell me I had kidney disease. That doesn't mean I'd go "I was born with it tbh" and go on my life pissing and vomiting. WTF

note 2: (As an aside, I learned that therapists don't want you to quit therapy, even once you're better. I saw a therapist and eventually tested out of my depression diagnosis. I thought we'd be shaking hands and saying goodbye, by that's when she said... "Maybe we could start really digging into your childhood now?" Nah, not for $210 an hour. I got home movies and diaries for that shit.)



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