A few quick thoughts.
If you ask to be owned the first time you talk to me, then I know you aren’t serious.
To me, an unowned submissive is the equivalent of being single and dating around. An owned submissive is the equivalent of going exclusive.
Imagine getting a Tinder match with someone, and the first thing they do is ask if you want to get married soon. That’s psychotic behavior. Maybe more common is the match that says things like, “I want to have kids soon.” or, “What are you doing on [next major holiday]?” – promising a combination of things so that they can fuck you as soon as possible.
Of course when subs do it online, they’re trying to fuck themselves as soon as possible. Their fetish is discussing becoming a slave – a fetish they often cultivate because they are too cheap to actually pay for a session.
This is why I hate when subs say, “You’re not serious about D/s, then, because you’re asking for money.”
Fuck this kind of guilt-tripping and cajoling. I ask for a tribute because I know that you are mostly interested in a conversation that will get you to orgasm as soon as possible. You have made this transactional, not me.
I fell for this type of guilt trip during my first couple of weeks on femdom / findom Twitter. I’m a bit wiser now. And it's easier to filter subs. If the sub has paid a tribute to speak with me, then I’ll provide them with one or two basic tasks to complete. Usually I ask them to add “under consideration by Goddess Jinah” so that you could prevent another domme from having to go through the same bullshit with that submissive. Then I ask for a greeting twice a day – at morning, and at night. Even if it’s only a “good morning Goddess Jinah” and “Goodnight Goddess Jinah” I need to see if they are capable of consistency.
They are usually gone by the weekend.
In fact, of the subs that I have genuinely considered as slaves (x axis), here’s how long they lasted (y axis) in days.
Tribute or not, I will not do a session with you the first or second time you say you want to be owned.
Again, this is just to weed out subs who want your help getting off, and have no interest in long-term subbing.
This is the “first time” many subs have contacted a domme. So even if they are serious about being owned, even if they are very cute and sincere, they don’t really have the experience to know what they are looking for or committing to.
If the submissive’s account is less than six months old, they are either new or relapsing. They are still in a state of limbo.
I know that sounds hypocritical from someone with a two-month-old account! But I think the time and thought I’ve put into all this gives me a semi-pass.
The truth is these submissives aren’t turned on by submission. They are addicted to porn and/or masturbation and hate themselves. They know they lack control. They’re hoping your control could break them of their bad habits. But if someone is not at peace with their submissive side, even within themselves, then they should not be owned. Because given the choice, they wouldn’t be owned – they would be free of their addiction.
One example – Go to 18 minutes into this episode of Slutever, when she auditions several lifestyle slaves. Of the men, she picks the oldest submissive. I’m sure it’s because he explained the moment he knew he was submissive. He didn’t just go over a list of things he enjoys. Not to mention that he already has a pet name that he uses, given to him by his long-term domme.
Sidenote: The main reason why I’m interested in doing in-person sessions is that I assume anyone with the courage to appear in person and pay a fee is indeed serious.
But I don’t get too mad at the shallowness of the submissives I meet – it’s a natural consequence of using Twitter and domming online. But the notion of ownership, when it’s done online, is relatively low stakes, and even that bar is too high for them.
In fact, if I can find a way to assign tasks and duties in a scalable way, I might just accept every single sub looking for an owner. I'll just send them a link and say "get started pet." That way my level of work exactly matches what I think I'll get out of the interaction.
But there are lots of ways to show your submissiveness without asking to be owned. That's why I created a bunch of profile pics and banners – so hopefully you can get that 'hit' of your owned fantasy without bothering me.
Or, you could do something for both you and the domme you want to approach – you can pay your tribute and/or pay for a session, or buy one of the domme's videos. Then you feel good, she feels good, and no one has wasted their time or energy.
The sub who inspired this post had talked to me about being owned and said he was new to femdom. I gave him what was basically a summary of this post. He then 1. agreed with me, 2. asked to be owned anyway, 3. sent a tribute, then 4. closed his Twitter account and 5. took back the tribute. All within an hour.
Was he mad that I wasn't getting back to him? Possibly. But I think he just went through his own rainbow wheel of emotions within that hour.